Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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