i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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