I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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