Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
