Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize