it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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