i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
