If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
