My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize