Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
