You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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