If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
