Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
