Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
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