when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize