I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
