Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
