Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
