what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
