I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
