the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
