I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
