He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize