Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
