from now on my penis is your penis
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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