idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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