first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
