u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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