I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Say something about gay babies.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
