I want to have your abortion
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
