is your mom at the bar?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
