yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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