You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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