i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
