How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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