I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
