Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
