bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just high enough for therapy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize