God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
