the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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