Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize