"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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