I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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