Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
