I wish I could teleport
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
