i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
