Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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