East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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