Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
