During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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