I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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