I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I currently don't understand fingers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
True college students do jello shots in the library
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