Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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