Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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