Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
