Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
