If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
