is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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