Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
