I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
