Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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