Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
