i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
