just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
