I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
