piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Randomize
