I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
