Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
