Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
