He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize