someone owes me an orgasm
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
