So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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