So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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