Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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