Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
