my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
