you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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