I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love having hate sex.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
