A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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