plz talk dirty to me
In the future we'll all be gay
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
