I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
