worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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