Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
