Pants 0. Shit 1.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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