I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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