I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Even my vagina gasped.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
