i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
