Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
