Have you finally orgasmed yet?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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