my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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