yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
