im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All I want is dick and wine.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
