So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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