dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
