Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
