My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
