The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
