ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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