Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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