he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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