I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
