remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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