It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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