I heard we made out
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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