God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
