This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
