I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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